Once you have a child, you become suddenly aware of the enormous responsibility resting in your hands. This tiny human being is vulnerable and dependent, and naturally, you feel the need to have a “plan” and set “goals”. Let me introduce you to mine.
Goal 1: Get them to accomplish what you have never reached. O, little girl you dance well, are you maybe a hidden professional dancer? Soon you realize that these are your goals, not theirs. Their journey is unique, and their own dreams and aspirations may differ from yours. Nope, probably they won’t become that thing that you believe (or want to believe) they are good at.
Goal 2: I want them to be happy. Whatever they decide to do. It seems like a noble goal, but the reality quickly sets in. Children are NOT always happy. They experience a wide range of emotions, and gladly let you know they feel them: hunger, tiredness, sadness, disappointment, anger, frustration, fear, you name it. They encompass the full spectrum of human emotions, just as we do. So happy, uhm no, better leave that goal because its a FAIL.
Goal 3: I want them to learn that life is sometime hard and you have to face it. It’s just the opposite of Goal 2. Of course, taking this as a single goal is not a good idea – Overwhelming them with constant challenges may not be beneficial. It will hit back hard in teenage years. I don’t have teenagers yet, but I can expect the backlash already.
Goal 4: You know what, I give up. I think I have to leave this goal setting thing here. No goal seems to cover the vast array of challenges that can arise. Maybe parenthood has been designed as a way of humbling us humans and exposing the limitations of our well-intentioned goal setting. Once I think I have it under control and manage it, I lose it all over again…
Amidst the twists and turns of this ongoing comedy called parenthood, let’s pause and embrace the laughter that accompanies this realization. It is in these lighthearted moments that we uncover a crucial truth: the best goal we can have as parents is to be fully present.
So, what is my goal with my kids? Should there even be one? It boils down to wanting them to simply “be.” I want them to experience and fully exist in each moment without trying to justify it with the promise of an ice cream cone or the anticipation of the next event. I want them to embrace their feelings without the notion that “only babies cry.” To achieve this, I must lead by example because they won’t simply follow what I tell them—they will imitate what I do.
The fact is, children don’t need lessons on being present. They embody it naturally. It is we, the parents, who need to relearn the art of being present, rediscovering our own inherent nature so that our children don’t “unlearn” what comes naturally to them.
“Mom,” she said, while I was busy with taking care of her younger brother, “I need you to hug me and spend time with me—just the two of us.” With gratitude, I replied, “Thank you for expressing your needs so clearly.”
And just like that, today’s mission was accomplished. In that moment, I realized that the perfect happy ending lies not in the fulfillment of our specific goals but in our ability to be fully present—ready to speak up on our needs, listen, understand, and respond to them when its the right time. But also ready to say “no”, it is enough, provide boundaries and clarity.
So let us embrace this delightful journey of parenthood, with all its comedic mishaps and unexpected surprises, knowing that the true happiness we seek resides in being fully present. And maybe, wanting a “perfect happy ending” makes us focus just on anything else, but the present moment we live in.