In today’s developed societies we often think we need to get anything we want at our fingertips. Quicker than ever. It is a good thing, it is a result of “development”. It is also a bad thing, as we might start to believe that everything works through some sort of “quick fix”. Back-pains? Get a massage. Overweight? Start just again with different diet or trainingsprogram. Stress? Just eat it away. Kids crying? Turn on the TV.
We all know those quick fixes don’t solve the real issue. It’s just so difficult to find the real solution (quickly). Quick fixes do one thing very well: they provide temporary relief. They distract us for a moment, maybe even long enough that we forget we had an issue at all and move to the next activity. Great! But underneath the surface, the problem remains unaddressed. It is just a matter of time before the mole needs a wack again…
I’ve come to realize that finding real solutions requires a different mind-set. It requires an ease with slowing down and patience with ourselves and “not knowing it all” at first. It requires peeling back the layers and getting to the heart of the matter. Why is my back hurting? Can it be my work chair, my lack of movement or even, work related stress? What is causing my stress? Can it be my work, or my colleagues or actually my perception of them? Why are the kids actually really up-sad? Can it be they are hungry, or are they maybe rebelling to my own fears and expectations?
It’s not always easy to confront such questions. It can be uncomfortable, annoying and even painful to face the deeper truths. But I am more than confident, that the right road is not always the easy road. Quick fix, is quick wrong.
And what to me is most compelling, is that in many cases the “solution” is not in doing “more” or doing “different”. It is quite the opposite: the answer lies often in doing less. This goes against our societies drive to deliver, act, run. But if you dare to take away the pressure to act impulsively, the space you create can allow for change that comes with way deeper wisdom. Was it maybe this that Einstein referred to when he said: we cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them. Stepping out, means sometimes physically stepping out (go for a walk) mentally stepping out (change your frame of reference), emotionally stepping out (use logic instead of intuition).
I’ve embarked on this journey of slow fix, and it transformed me. This takes time, but the rewards are immeasurable. I feel more focused, clear and healthy than ever today. To me there are 2 key moments that embody “slow fix” to me: 1) when I write, and 2) when I am alone and have no other goals for myself then to relax.
1) when I write. I have been writing dairies starting as soon as I could write, and have been doing so ever after. Recently much less due to the distractions with kids and work, but its the same feeling as ever when I start again sporadically. I do not place high goals with this either, as it is simply the process that is enough. Writing down thoughts gets them out of my head on paper and this process makes it suddenly become a logical equation to solve. When I write, it makes me able to analyze thoughts, question them and change them.
2) when I am alone and at ease. As a working mother, it can be hard to find me-time. Something I thought it was even not “correct” to have me-time. I am a mom – life can’t be easy – the kids need me… Well, this is not every day of course. I value short (half)days off in which I am (on purpose) alone and plan nothing but a visit to a spa. I always take something to write with me. No phone. Only the idea that I have a next me-day planned in my agenda, makes me feel grateful and powerful. It’s like a checkpoint that I can look at for. A checkpoint that I had to pro-actively organize amid other obligations and therefore is a confirmation of self-worth. Worthy to make and reserve time for. Worthy to slow down for.
Do you allow yourself to slow fix?